You’ve always had the power my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself – Glenda, Wizard of Oz
Sometimes it’s hard to simply power on through the day without feeling negative at times, as someone who has a long-term relationship with anxiety and depression I understand this more than others. Everyday can be a struggle, not wanting to get out of bed and face the day, panic attacks at the thought of something not going right, not talking to anyone and the want to be left alone as you really don’t want to bother anyone with your trivial problems the list goes on.
It’s hard to describe depression and to control anxiety regardless of the support you may have around you, but you can get through it – trust me, been there done that. My problem is I go spiralling back down from time to time, there’s no trigger and over time and with a lot of soul searching I’ve come to realise it could be due to the pressure I put on myself. It’s not that I’m a perfectionist, I do try my best though but that’s human nature, it’s more the thought of not being in control, feeling helpless, not being able to be there and not always accepting reality. I’ve had cognitive behavioural therapy, I’m on antidepressants and I still struggle, I have an amazingly supportive partner and family, my work have been fantastic and my GP has been nothing but outstanding. I have nothing to complain about in that department.
I’m in a place at the moment where I’m getting better, I still have pangs of anxiety that I am just about able to control. I feel stronger than I have done in a long time and I know this because I want to take the power back. I want my life back. I want to be spontaneous and not panic at the thought of going out to meet friends or making excuses not to do something and to stop feeling tired because all this stressing is tiring me out…I want to be happy.
I recently read Katie Writes blog post, 10 Books Ive Been Loving Recently and in there was a book that struck a chord, it was a book called How to be Happy (or at least less sad) by a guy called Lee Crutchley. As soon as I read Katie’s description I popped on Amazon and bought it (along with a couple of other books but I’ll talk about them another time). It only arrived today, and flicking through the pages I feel excited, it’s a self-help book with a difference. It isn’t full of lengthy words or mantras, it’s simple, creative and thought provoking but not in a difficult way – there’s certainly no reading between the lines with this book!
So here’s the start of my journey to happiness, or at least feeling less sad, wish me luck!